What if it were easy?
What if it were easy?
It’s a question Matt and I ask ourselves on those mornings where the camping life with 6 extra kids around feels extra hard. Rather than thinking of everything as hard we try to reframe the situation as easy.
Today was one of those mornings where things just felt extra hard. After a rainy night in the airstream and bad sleep, we awoke to mud everywhere, and 4 extra kids looking for breakfast and playmates. Everything felt chaotic and we struggled to find a peaceful moment to sync on our Monday morning family and business priorities. We’re overwhelmed with so much to do for Friday night’s launch dinner while still running our enrichment sessions T/W/Th this week and trying to keep the family fed & well rested in a tiny, tiny space.
When we lived alone, outside of this communal land situation, we trained our kids that when mommy and daddy have a warm cup of coffee, you MUST find something else to do, and we’re not available to meet your needs for at least 20 minutes. Setting this clear boundary was important for our sanity. It gave us a moment to drink slow, and align on our plan for the day while they played in sight. But today, that task felt insurmountable with extra kids around who aren’t accustomed to this family tradition. Most parents don’t work together. I realize it’s not common for children to see husband and wife as business partners, so our need for peace and quiet in the Am is foreign to these kids.
Communal living isn’t always easy, but it’s still worth doing and experiencing at least once in your life. It grows you, stretches you and has SO many overflowing blessings too. So today, we decided, the easy way to solve this hard morning was to escape together, and just jump in the car and head to the YMCA to use their wifi, their child care, and pay the overpriced snack prices to just get through the day and make things easier.
Just recently, my husband and I watched my friend (and land sponsor’s) six kids for nearly a week. I slept in their home, my husband and kids slept down below in the guest house. For 6 days, we were a blended family of 11. We made the meals, did the dishes, carted their teens to their social affairs and homeschooled the littles. It was hard work. But there were a lot of really sweet & enjoyable moments. It’s also an honor to to be entrusted with the duty. I certainly grew new levels of empathy for my friend. It’s not easy raising 8 kids, let alone teens AND toddlers under the same roof.
Most people yearn for community but dont want to be inconvenienced by the work it requires. “Intentional Communities” or “Communes” sound dreamy in theory with everyone living on a farm, sharing in the meal-making and watching each other’s kids, but in reality, it requires an intense amount of organization and grace for a wide variety of personalities and parenting styles. You’re bound to get burdened by just the extra human energies around. There will be conflict, resentment and drama at times, but that doesn’t mean you throw in the towel. You use it as an opportunity to lean in, have hard conversations and find some flow together.
I think the “escape from conflict” syndrome also plagues smaller, nuclear families. It’s easier to run off to your own bedrooms, or schools, or jobs and not do the work of becoming a close family. And to me, that’s the biggest problem I hope Behere will help solve. I hope we will become a space that brings families back together again and deepen their relationships, versus running to four corners of the county for school, work and errands. But Lord knows the ones already doing the “together thing” a lot need a break, and that’s why drop-off programs are a MUST. We need a village to get through this so called life and take our kids off our hands for even a few hours. And our kids need this too, so they can build their identity away from us. There’s nothing wrong with a little outsourcing to the village.
Can I get an Amen?
Learn more about our vision to bring families back to the same soil, to help families looking for new ways to work and learn. I hope you’ll join us this Friday for food, drinks, live music, and a little story time with me, about a family who sold it all to pursue this dream of simply being together more. Grab your tickets today, before we sell out!
If things are hard for you out there, ask yourself, What would make things easy right now? Then go do it. But overall, if things are hard, know that you’re being prepared for something much greater. Someday we will be in our home, on new land, our business will be in walking distance, and things that used to be hard will be easy again, and we will have capacity to take on new challenges. That’s how it works, like “hard-times” weight lifting. So bring on the new weights, we’re getting stronger and we’ve got this :)
Hang in there!
-Brooke